i can't believe i had my finger in that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
