i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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