I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You smell like stripper and shame
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
