Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
