Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In America we eat man semen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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