Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
