Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
