I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
