Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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