I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
