He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
