Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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