Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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