I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
