I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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