I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
