my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
