Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
