You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
