i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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