Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
MIDGETS
????
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
