im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
