i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
