a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
