I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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