watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
