you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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