it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize