Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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