i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
