White coat. Heels.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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