11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
