This is not my ceiling
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
