he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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