I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
birth control should be required to get into college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
