listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
