wake up i wanna do it froggy style
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
