id be glad to
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
