dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
