I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
