Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
