the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
