its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
