Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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