why didn't you poke me back
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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