She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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