dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
