I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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