Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
