2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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