How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
