Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
