is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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