there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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