I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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