the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
