It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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