i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
