suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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