Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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