We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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