My hand turned me down
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
