I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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