happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
is it fun? or sober?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
