Im at strip club and am horny
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
