I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
