On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
