I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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