Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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