Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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