Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
