This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
