tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
