Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
