my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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