she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
