i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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